If someone hurts you, what action do you take? Do you respond to your anger and pain? Do you retaliate or respond? Do you seek reconciliation and recovery?

Paul Simon’s song ‘I am a Rock’ tells the story of someone who has been hurt and has withdrawn from the world. ‘I am a rock,’ he sings, ‘I am an island. A rock feels no pain. And an island never cries.’ (“Lyrics for I Am a Rock by Simon & Garfunkel – Songfacts”)

From time to time, we all feel like stepping into our shell. We would all like the world to go away. Today’s world is a good reminder that we are not meant to live in isolation; we are all much too interconnected. We need each other, and when we’re separated, we become unhappy.

When God created humankind, he told, ‘It’s not good for man to be alone’ (Gen.2:18). So, he gave Adam a wife, they had a family and we’ve been living in community ever since. Or at least, we are meant to be living in a community.

The famous English preacher Charles Spurgeon once visited a man who had isolated himself from his church community. Spurgeon walked into the man’s residence without saying a word and sat with him by his fireplace. The man felt a bit uncomfortable. Spurgeon took a lump of coal from the fire and placed it on a brick. The two men stared at that solitary coal as it dimmed and cooled. Spurgeon then stood up, and as he opened the door to leave, the man said, ‘I understand pastor; I’ll see you next Sunday’.It is not always easy to live with others. Often, tension and conflict arise, particularly when someone does something wrong. However, as Christians, we have a responsibility to look out for others, even when they disappoint us. This is the message from today’s readings, which provides us with three ways to respond when we find ourselves in conflict with someone.

These three methods are speaking, respecting and healing.

In our first reading, God asks the prophet Ezekiel to watch over his people in Jerusalem.  He is responsible for protecting the people by speaking up if they do anything wrong or if they put themselves in danger.

That’s what we are asked to do.  As Christians, we all have a duty to speak up if someone’s doing something wrong. It is not necessary to change their behavior, but we must speak the truth to those we care about. Otherwise, our silence can be taken as tacit approval and we become partly responsible for their mistake.

However, speaking up can be challenging, so St Paul in our second reading reminds us to always respect others. He refers to the Ten Commandments, saying that it is important to respect the other person’s life, marriage, property and integrity.

Indeed, seven of the Ten Commandments are about our connection with others, and they can all be summed up in one rule: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’. If we really love and respect our neighbors, we wouldn’t harm them at all, and they’d be much more likely to stay in contact with us. In our gospel, Jesus states that before talking, make sure you have a humble, compassionate, and forgiving heart. These are essential factors in healing relationships.

Then go and talk openly and honestly with the person who has hurt you, he says, but do it privately, to avoid any embarrassment. If that doesn’t work, invite one or two others into the conversation, not to gang up on them, but to help them reconnect. If necessary, invite someone else, perhaps a mediator, to resolve the matter.

But whatever happens, Jesus says, always pray for reconciliation and keep the doors of communication open, since we all need to heal.

In his book, The Great Divorce, CS Lewis describes hell as a large, dark place, where there is no connection between people. Hell started out small, he says, but people quarreled with one another and split apart. At the same time, there were other squabbles and people moved even further away, until no one could even see anyone. And there they lived, alone in the darkness.  Jesus wants us to avoid this hell.

When we realize how flawed and broken, we all are, it becomes much easier to understand that we all have the same basic need for healing and wholeness.

We are not solitary rocks or islands. As the poet John Donne wrote, ‘No man is an island entirely; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main’. We are all meant to live and grow and flourish together, in our families and communities.

Christian love isn’t an emotion or a feeling; it’s a responsibility and a decision.